Remarks at the launch of Ram Prasad Koirala’s book:
Colossal Love: My Life’s Journey
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I rarely read any book more than once. But I enjoyed reading both the original Nepali and this new English version of Ram Koirala’s fascinating memoir multiple times.
And every time I read the manuscript, I felt deeply touched, especially by that part of the book where the author narrates how as a little boy, he was bewildered by the incomprehensible circumstances that led to his separation from his biological mother.
As I have written in the Preface, the book starts in a dramatic manner with Ram’s mother making a shocking confession to her husband that she had been “unfaithful” to him.
Actually, it was NOT a case of being unfaithful, but of being sexually assaulted by an aggressor.
But in the male-dominated, patriarchal Nepali society of that era – and frankly, even today – it is always the female victims rather than the male perpetrators who take the blame.
And so it was that Ram’s mother was charged of infidelity by her husband. And according to the Nepali laws prevailing in the 1950s, she was put in jail for two years for a “crime” that she did not commit.
As a little child, the author was neither told nor could he possibly understand the legal or the societal norms that led to his mother being first imprisoned, and then upon her release, exiling herself to an unknown destination to escape the unbearable stigma and indignity in her own society and community.
It turns out that in her desperate search for anonymity, she travelled all the way to far away Bombay and bravely rehabilitated herself in a new household there.
Unaware of these compelling circumstances, little Ram innocently wondered why his mother had been so cruel as to abandon him.
He saw how other kids of his age enjoyed the loving care of their moms.
He had read and heard about how, as in all human societies, motherhood and the role of a mother are highly idealized in Nepali society.
A mother is supposed to be someone with boundless love for her children, and a figure of great respect who is prepared to make any sacrifice for the wellbeing of her children.
Many poems and epics are written about how maternal love is as deep as an ocean or as high as the sky. But little Ram was bewildered why this did not apply in his case.
Years passed. He went to schools and colleges. Became an engineer.
Then, when he eventually met his long-estranged mother in a totally unexpected chance encounter in Bombay, he learned about the extraordinary circumstances in which she had banished and secluded herself.
He was shocked, confused and deeply saddened.
In his moments of mature reflection, the author recognizes and laments the highly unfair double standards in Nepali society where women are stigmatized and even jailed with unforgiving cruelty even when they are victims of rape and incest.
On the other hand, men could legally practice polygamy and suffered no stigma for their extramarital transgressions.
Fortunately, for much of his life, Ram never felt like a motherless orphan as his revered and loving grandmother more than filled in the vacuum left by his mother’s absence.
The most gripping part of the book – in fact its main storyline – relates to how he was affectionately raised by his illiterate but exceptionally compassionate, caring and wise grandmother who became a lifelong source of inspiration for him.
Although he was deprived of the tender loving care of his biological mother, Ram was fortunate to get the most precious gift of love and guidance from his exemplary grandmother.
Her compassionate care and folk wisdom left a lasting imprint in Ram’s psyche throughout his life – even to this day.
His grandma’s simple, wise and worldly advice not only shaped his character but became the North Star that guided Ram to treat people, particularly those who are deprived, discriminated, and stigmatized, with genuine respect and empathy.
Beyond these personal qualities, Ram learned several profound lessons from his grandma. These related to the importance of cleanliness, hygiene, sanitation, and above all, the need to protect, preserve and generously share clean drinking water with one’s neighbours, visitors and even passers-by that is so typical while trekking in the water-scarce hills of Nepal.
During his three-decade long professional career with UNICEF,
in Laos, Vietnam, Indonesia, Timor Leste, Eritrea and Sudan,
Ram’s principal assignments were in the field of WASH (water, sanitation and hygiene).
As we know, these are all key elements for promoting child survival and development as well as women’s empowerment and gender equality.
He recounts how uncannily his beloved grandma’s teachings in his native village paralleled what UNICEF advocates in promoting WASH all over the world.
Indeed, whenever he faced bureaucratic challenges in performing his duties at UNICEF, Ram often recalled his grandma’s teachings to motivate himself to overcome all hurdles.
The chronicle of his challenging and exciting career at UNICEF spanning three decades in six countries – is in itself quite thrilling.
His achievements, often against great odds, including in some life-threatening assignments, are quite impressive. But for me, the most inspiring ethos of the book is the uncanny resemblance of the values that Ram imbibed from his simpleton grandma with those that were promoted by a sophisticated UN agency that he worked for.
These shared values reinforced each other and greatly enriched his life.
This book is written in a fluid and elegant style – masterfully combining a mixture of prose and poetry – both in the original Nepali and this English version.
There are several places in the book where the author pours his heart out in a candid manner with disarming sincerity.
The description of his accidental encounter and subsequent exchanges with his estranged mother are so poignant and emotive that I could not hold back my tears.
Yet another touching moment was when after much agonizing, Ram decided to invite his estranged mother to Indonesia to introduce his wife and children (her grandchildren).
But alas, unbeknownst to him, by that time, his mother had already passed away several months earlier.
So, his hope and wish to finally reunite and reconcile with his missing mom never materialized.
This sad and painful estrangement with his mother comes to an emotional full circle as he dutifully performed the final mourning rites many months after he learned of her death.
The stoic and philosophical manner in which Ram endured this twist of fate is nothing short of a Shakespearian tragedy.
This book deserves to be read widely, especially by those of us who are champions of women’s rights and are dedicated to ending the plight of girls and women in Nepali society who still endure the continuing burden of harmful traditional practices, discrimination, stigma and indignity.
But the book also contains many uplifting and inspiring messages that the author extracts from his grandma’s and even his estranged mother’s charitable spirit.
The author finds and helps nurture this spirit of goodness in many women who are part of his life, including his loving wife; a hearing-impaired but exceptionally talented daughter; and his two other kids and grandkids, who have been a source of his inspiration and pride.
As an expression of his gratitude to his grandma and all the women who have inspired and enriched his life, the author recounts how he is supporting a number of charitable activities, particularly to help girls and women in his native village of Darunga in Palpa.
In a similar vein, he recently made a major charitable contribution to the Kathmandu Institute of Child Health, a brainchild of his nephew and one of Nepal’s most distinguished cardiologists, Dr. Bhagwan Koirala.
Let me conclude by congratulating the author; the highly talented team of ghostwriters, and the translator of the English version who have all done a superb job in producing this wonderful book.
I commend the book to all readers with the assurance that reading it will touch your heartstrings and uplift your spirit.